Surely You Jest!
by Bstgoalie31
Summary: Dwarven stonelord, Rogue monk, an Elven ArchWizard, and a Halforc barbarian fighting their way through perilous adventures. The party Fights for good, evil, and occasionally a piece of ass.
1. Default Chapter

Chap 2

"Ahhh" Nick exhaled with a sigh of relief. "What you fellas say we do? My tab in this pub is wayyy over 200gp, we need to make some gold, and QUICK!"

"Why do we not just find some dumb punk and rough him up for his gold sack?" suggested Tony.

"YES, he'll be poor and dead before he could say "Pumpernickel"" rejoiced Ryan

Setting down his urgosh, Nick pulls out his sharpening stone and runs it across his blade. "I go with matt!" "Lets go"

"No, Ryan is right, but we should hone our fighting skills while making money. It is not a good way to make gold anyway."

"ADVENTURE!" Ryan and Nick yell out in unison.

"Exactly" replied Matt, somewhat taken back by the ejaculation.

"What we gonna do for a adventure?" attempted Tony

"You are the dumbest Half-orc I have ever had the displeasure to meet…" sneered Matt

"Note the word ORC in Half-orc, don't be so dumb. _he _barely even knows what he is. Why don't you just let him alone? He's quite essential in battle…" said Ryan

"That lump could hit the ass end of an earth elemental if he were 2 feet from it."

"Hey lay off, he's quite handy in battle. He saved YOUR ass a shit load of times; all you do is just sit in the back and cast magic missile. But when we fought that dark mage he fucked you up sooo bad, you're lucky Tony jumped in the way of that huge blast of poison darts. He gave you just enough time to rip into him with a flaming arrow." Ryan said, as he lay into matt.

"Holy shit calm down! Both of you, your like a bunch of pussy-whipped bitches. Ha-ha yeah right you 2 couldn't get pussy if it slapped you in the face! The last time you even had a chance you almost pissed your pants." Nick said as he pointed the spear end of his urgosh at Ryan. "And you! The last time you almost got some was when you ATTEMPTED to make a love potion…turns out you only succeeded in killing her." He said as he howled in laughter.

"She was pretty to matt…shame you did that to her" added Ryan with a smirk.

"Guys, we goin fight? Tony wants to fight! Where we goin guys? I wanna go to. We go?" asked Tony. He got up went over to the window grabbed up his pack, slung it over his shoulder, and sat down in front of the door letting everyone know that he was ready.

"Wow there "Chief", we need to find a job first." Nick said then Turned to Ryan and Matt. "shame he got hit with that spell…what did that elf say he used?"

"Stupidity spell, what the fuck kind of a spell is that, I never heard of it. Missed my ass, there is no way he missed that elemental! He was like 10 feet from him. And why the hell would you use a "stupidity spell" on an air elemental? Explain this for me. I'm glad you slit his throat Nick…it made me smile. Reminisced Matt

Ryan looked at the two of them. "Are you two finished? We could be here all day and night talking about all the things we have killed. Now how would you propose we make this money?"

"Lets go to the local militia, they hire dumb fucks like us to do shit their to pussy to do for themselves, then they say that they will pay upon completion. If we fuck up and get killed they get their money and a few less heads to take out if they ever grow the balls to go and do it themselves. But we won't have that problem, we should have whatever they want done in no time at all." Said Ryan.

"Let's go, and someone make sure junior over their makes it along. If you leave him behind again Matt, I'll be forced to injure you." stated Nick.

Ryan and Matt looked at each other then at Tony who looked back at them and smiled in a childish sort of way, verifying that he had no idea what the fuck just went down and had no intention of caring what so ever.

The group went on their way to the militia. They encountered few hindrances on the way. Tony had a run in with a gnome child who had a toy the he wanted, the parents got mad, started yelling, and were instantly killed by the monstrous Half-orc. Tony got his toy, and the group got…little gold and silver. After the encounter with the gnomes, Nick attempted to get drunk off his ass with the gold, got mad it wasn't enough and started a bar fight ending with many tied in the basement of the pub, and 2 dead. The group did not complain though, they received gold and as Tony put it "too many ale".

Finally after a night of traveling the group came to the door of the Ridlidge militia department. Nick stroked his beard and straightened his hair, Matt tied his robe, Ryan tucked his shirt in and Tony just looked at the other three puzzled. The 4 walked in together looking their meanest with their scowls worn tight. They were quite a sight with the sun silhouetting them as they proceeded toward the commander of the militia.

"Job." Tony blurted out.

All three looked at him with a sort of awe. He was looking really intimidating. It seemed he knew what was going on and was completely aware and could comprehend everything.

"We would like to know if you have any small things that your overly worked department is to busy to pursue." Matt said in the most persuading and nicest way.

"Well, we have been meaning to investigate missing persons in the hills over north of Gantor. There were 3 groups of explorers that went on some kind of expedition. The families of the members have collected money and given it to us as a reward. They gave us aroud 1,056 gp and 323 sp that was all they had. Would you like to investigate, bring back the survivors if any, and pursue whatever has them from coming back home?"

"You have found your men for the job, but we want half before starting our journey." Said Ryan, the group picked up their weapons and wielded them intimidating the captain.

"Yes sir, here you are." He divided the gold and silver in half and handed the sack to Nick.

"Le's go!" hollered Nick.


	2. Chapter 2

Chap. 3

Well…im glad everyone reviewed…I just realized ho much it blew, and I reviewed myself…aight…imma take another go at this

111

"im bored" Tony said as he stared at the ground

"it cant be that much farther" Matt added

"whos idea was this any way?" Nick said as he looked around "I think it was yours…""o right…" Nick shook his head as he walked into what wasn't there. "Umpgh" was all that could be heard from him as he was then walked into by Tony, pinning him to the solid nothing in front of him.

"What the fuck? Get off u oaf!"

"hmm, that's odd" Matt stroked his chin "thank you for noticing u prick!" rubbing his nose. Ryan knocked on the air saying "there is something here…"

"wow, we have some geniuses here…Matt take care of this!" Nick stabbed his axe handle at the wallish thing.

"I dunno how…""what kind of a mage are you?" Nick yelled, as his pants burst into a purple flame.

Tony laughed, and Ryan added "a pretty good one I suppose"

After rubbing his ass on the ground the shorter, enraged Nick flew at Matt only to be grabbed by the throat of Tony. "FUCKER" he managed to sputter.

Ryan and Matt rolled on the ground taking turns pointing and laughing at him until Nick kicked Tony knocking the air out of him resulting in Nick's second lunge at Matt. Nick took his urgosh in the air and dropped it behind him bringing down his hands and scaring the shit out of him until he realized he had no weapon, giving the whole group a laugh about how scared Matt looked.

"what say we go around?" Nick said after enjoying his laugh with Ryan and Tony.

"it might work…" Ryan said\

they walked 20 ft to the left of the barrier and went right passed it only to find an outpost of goblins.

The 4 peered through the brush counting 7 goblins, 3 around a fir 2 standing guard and 3 taking turns sparring.

The four adventurers huddled together. Ok here's the plan… "GO" Tony yelled bounding at the nearest 2 guards slashing the first and clubbing the other with his free hand.

The other three looked at each other and jumped out, Nick watched as the fire the three goblins were sitting at turned to ice and the goblins fell to the ground stiff and rigid. Nick jumped and thrust his spear end of the urgosh into the throat of the goblin who was waiting his turn to spar, turned his head looking for the other two only to watch as 2 arrows had pierced the left eye of each goblin.

Ryan surveyed the scene to find that Matt had used some sort of ice spell, Nick was cleaning his weapon, and Tony had knocked out his one goblin and was about to relieve the creature of his head, Tony brought down his sword and missed when Ryan shot a powerful arrow at the tip of his sword. "nooo, we might need him" Nick looked on realizing that Tony was not happy with the result of his attack turn in rage. Ryan thought about what he did and took a few steps to find that Tony saw who had shot the arrow and sheathed his sword.

Nick walked over to the bleeding goblin and smacked him, bringing him around and making him scream in terror and attempt to run. The goblin didn't get far b4 he was whipped back to the tree Nick had tied him to "when did you tie him" Ryan prompted quizzically "when he got up to run…" Nick replied as though it was obvious.

"Ok little dude, what is this wall thing?"

"she dod fnud jksuy anauuyb" the goblin replied.

"shit any one speak "stupid little goblin"?"

"not me...""nope""can I kill him then?"

"haha, sure…"

"shall we continue?" Matt asked as they headed on their way


End file.
